Birthday Girl (Parody of Piano Man by Billy Joel)

For someone like my best friend and birthday girl, Nathalie.

It's seven thirty on a Saturday

The regular klan shuffles in

There's a birthday girl sittin’ next to me

Waitin’ for the party to begin

She says, "Katie, can you play beer pong with me?

‘Cuz I’ve finally turned twenty-one

It is great and it's sweet but my team’s not complete

And we will have so much fun”

La la la, de de da

La la, de de da da da

We’ll sing you a song, you're the birthday girl

We’ll sing you a song tonight

Well, we're all in the mood for a melody

And you've got us feelin' alright

Now Jezli, in the back, is a friend of mine

And she always brings me much glee

She’s quick to get sick, the diseases you wouldn’t pick

But there's no place that she'd rather be

She says, "Katie, I believe this drink is getting to me."

As the smile crept across her glowing face

"Well I'm sure that I could start some chaos

So I should probably get out of this place"

Oh, la la la, de de da

La la, de de da da da

Now Katie is a biotechnologist

Who always had time for a baseball game

And she's talkin' with Chelsey and they both agree

That studying for finals is lame

And Jo is practicing medicine

As the undergrads get by on their own

Yes, they're sharing a drink they call happiness

And it's better than drinkin' alone

We’ll sing you a song, you're the birthday girl

We’ll sing you a song tonight

Well, we're all in the mood for a melody

And you've got us feelin' alright

It's a pretty good crowd for a birthday party

And Nathalie gives me a smile

'Cause she knows that it's her that they’re comin' to see

To celebrate her life for a while

And the music, it sounds like a carnival

And this microphone smells like a beer

And we stand around and put cake in our mouths

And say, "Man, what are you doin' here?"

Oh, la la la, de de da

La la, de de da da da

We’ll sing you a song, you're the birthday girl

We’ll sing you a song tonight

Well, we're all in the mood for a melody

And you've got us feelin' alright

Jackson and Me

 "What I really wanted to say was how this animal had touched our souls and taught us some of the most important lessons of our lives. A person can learn a lot from a dog…He taught me about living each day with unbridled exuberance and joy, about seizing the moment and following your heart. He taught me to appreciate the simple things- a walk in the woods… a nap in a shaft of winter sunlight. And as he grew old and achy, he taught me about optimism in the face of adversity. Mostly, he taught me about friendship and selflessness and, above all else, unwavering loyalty." –John Grogan

"A dog has no use for fancy cars or big homes or designer clothes. Status symbol means nothing to him. A waterlogged stick will do just fine. A dog judges others not by their color or creed or class but by who they are inside. A dog doesn't care if you are rich or poor, educated or illiterate, clever or dull. Give him your heart and he will give you his. It was really quite simple, and yet we humans, so much wiser and more sophisticated, have always had trouble figuring out what really counts and what does not. I realized it was all right there in front of us, if only we opened our eyes. Sometimes it took a dog with bad breath, worse manners, and pure intentions to help us see."

— John Grogan

     I don't ever remember Jackson being little.  To me, he was always this big, hairy, overweight puppy (Yes, puppy. I refer to all dogs of all ages and sizes as puppies because they are all just too cute to be called anything else. Except adorable. Or cuddly...But I digress).  Jackson was the best puppy.  We got him when I was eight, and I can't really remember how it was without him in our lives.  It's crazy to think that he had been apart of more then half of my life.  And now to think that he won't be there to greet me at the front door, tail going crazy when I go home for Thanksgiving makes me tear up.  

     To those who aren't dog people or for those who don't have pets, it probably doesn't make much sense to love an animal and feel such a strong connection with one.  But Jackson was as much apart of our family as any of our 'human' family members.  My brother and I grew up with him; we all grew up together. I would get in trouble for hitting my brother and Jackson would get in trouble for chewing something from the trash can.  Jackson would eat anything. And I mean anything.  Bathroom trash, keys, used tissues, packets of gum... You name it, he probably ate it.  He also survived eating a whole Sam's Club sized bag of chocolate chips and a bag of Hershey's Kisses (Not at the same time, but still).  His stomach was indestructible.

     He also enjoyed eating flies.  We would all gather and watch him track the fly, lunge at it and try to grab it with his mouth.  It was quite a funny site, mostly because he wasn't so good at the tracking part.  He would see it fly by and continue to stare at the point where he initially saw it until he heard it buzzing somewhere else, then he would whip around and try to find it again.  He was actually successful a number of times. And when he did catch one, he would run under the kitchen table and play with it for awhile. The look on his face as he saw the fly crawling around was priceless. It was like he was genuinely trying to figure out this strange flying creature but had no idea where to start.  Even in his last days, when we were waiting in the back of the Tahoe at the Pet Hospital, a fly flew by and Jackson perked up and got that look that said he was going to kill that fly if it ever came back into view.

      It's strange to say, but Jackson's passing is the first time I've really had to deal with death.  I know I'm lucky in that sense, but it feels pretty foreign.  Again, I know this probably won't make sense to the non-pet owners, but it's like I lost a family member.  Of course I felt really sad when I heard the news that we were going to have to put him down, but I think not being there has lessened the blow.  I think that when I go home and Jackson isn't there, it will really sink in.  But, I know it was his time to go, and I know that he isn't in any pain anymore.

     There are so many memories with Jackson, I don't know which ones to share.  One of the more (in)famous memories was when Jackson unintentionally put two staples in Michael's head. My family had come home from dinner or something and Jackson was so excited to see Michael that he jumped up to kiss his face, but ended up knocking him into the corner of the pillar and caused a slight cut on the back of my brother's head, needing two staples to fix up.

     Another memory I have of Jackson actually just came to me right now. When we were younger, we used to have a trampoline in our backyard and my brother and I taught the dogs how to get on it.  It was pretty funny to see them reacting to this new, bouncy surface. We never bounced them high or anything mean like that.  And even when the dogs were out there by themselves, we would catch them walking around on it.  It was quite the sight. Good times.

     But mostly when I think back on my time with Jackson, I think of how he was always there for me.  He was the most loyal dog.  Jackson would follow you around the house and lay by your feet.  Even when his back legs hardly worked and it would take him a good minute or two to lift himself onto his feet, he was always right there by your side.  I would feel bad and tell him not to get up, especially if I was just going to throw something away and come back.  But he wouldn't listen, mostly due to the fact that he's not too fluent in English, but I also like to think that that was just the kind of dog he was. There's just something about a dog's love that is so pure, non-judgmental, loyal and selfless.  Sometimes after a particularly stressful day, I would just sit down next to Jackson and pet and hug him.  And I just knew that he understood.

     If I could say something to Jackson, I would say thank you.  Thank you for being such an awesome dog, pet, and friend for so long.  Thank you for teaching me how to be loyal, selfless, a better friend.  Thank you for making me a better person. You will always have a special place in my heart. 

     Thank you for the past thirteen years, I love you.

P.S.  Say 'Hi' to Buster for me :)

Something Like a Letter to Yuch

Dearest Yuch,

I just finished reading your latest blog and felt like writing you this letter (Why don't I have your address?). I've bee going through some stressful times lately and have always struggled with the self-confidence issue.  Your post reminded me of a lot of the emotions that I've been going through, as well.  And, although it makes me sad to see you struggling with letting your 'true self' show, what you said at the end of your post, 'I have to keep reminding myself of the better person I can be. Because it's so easy to forget,' really hit home for me.  It IS so easy to forget all the good qualities I have because, for me, it's so much easier to focus on the flaws. 'Why can't I be better at this?' 'Why don't I know more about this?' And the thing that's so frustrating is I KNOW this isn't healthy.  I know I shouldn't be so negative and harsh towards myself, but I do it anyway.  But you made me stop and think about how much better I can be and it gives me hope. And I thank you for that.

I know how you feel in terms of being stressed out and anxious.  Just this past week, there was a science/tech job fair that I planned on going to.  I went to the job fair workshops beforehand, printed out copies of my resume, and researched the companies I was interested in.  I ended up not going because I was so stressed and nervous, but mostly because I felt that no one would be interested in me, so why even bother.  Those couple of days were filled with tears, insecurity, shame and guilt.
But the job fair also brings up this feeling that I've had for awhile now. And it's the feeling of being stuck, or trapped like you mentioned.  I can't really describe it, other than I feel like I'm being held back or like I'm missing out on something spectacular. But what that is, I have no idea.  In some ways, I feel like it's school that's holding me back from all these great experiences and it'll only be after I graduate that I will be able to 'experience life,' whatever that means.  It's like I'm trapped in this place where I don't know what I want to do, but if I could just get out there and experience different things, I could find out what it is that I want.  But this 'not knowing what I want to do' also brings with it a lot of anxiety and pressure.

Anyway, there's not really much of a point to this letter. I'm sorry if it seems like a bunch of rambling and complaining.  I just want you to know that you're not alone in this and in a way to remind myself of the same thing.  If you ever want to talk about any of these things or how you're feeling (good or bad), I'm always here for you.

Oh, and by the way: you say that no one has seen the 'true, crazy, carefree' you, but I must disagree.  Obviously no one else has seen you watch Vampire Diaries, or play Smash Brothers, or heard you curse under your breath, or seen you run around like a crazy person pillow fighting to the death, or seen you laugh and scream while being tickled ;)  (This is me reminding you of that awesome person that I think we both know you are).  Although I may not have seen this Yuch 100% of the time, I've definitely caught my fair share of glimpses of this mysterious 'true' Yuch.  And I love her.  I love you, Yuch, don't ever forget that!

Love,
Katie

For Someone Like a Pessimist, I'm pretty Optimistic

In honor of Harry Potter coming out today, I have finally written down 'The List' of movies I refuse to see.  Most of them are series, and I genuinely hope to never see them.  Others make the list simply because I am very stubborn, so I refuse to see the 'classics' or the widely popular ones...or the ones my friends like (at this point, I'm surprised I have any friends left).  Some are on there because I have yet to see them twenty-one years into my life, so I figure I might as well try to keep the streak alive.  I know this list is probably a list of favorites for most normal people. I actually found most of these movies on 'Top 100'  and 'Best Movies of All-Time' lists.  So, I apologize to all the cinephiles and fans of these movies.


The List
Harry Potter
Avatar
Forrest Gump (but somehow I knew how to spell it properly)
Star Wars
Lord of the Rings
Jurassic Park
Twilight
American Pie(s)
Old School
Transformers
Chronicles of Narnia
Austin Powers
The Matrix
Saw
Avatar: The Last Airbender
Terminator
Bring It On
Step Up
Alien vs. Predator (or any of the Aliens or Predators movies. At least I think there are others)
Final Destination
Back to the Future
Wallace and Gromit
E.T.
Ghostbusters
Home Alone
Men in Black
X-Men
The Godfather
Pulp Fiction
Planet of the Apes
King Kong
Frankenstein
Jaws
Indiana Jones (Although I saw the latest one, unfortunately)
Fantastic Four
Superman
The Incredible Hulk
The Sixth Sense
Gone with the Wind
How to Train Your Dragon
The Wrestler
Star Trek
Kill Bill
Alice in Wonderland
Tron
Kick-Ass
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
Julie and Julia
Captain America
The Green Lantern
The Green Hornet
District 9
Battle: Los Angeles
Super 8
Coraline
A Nightmare Before Christmas
The Corpse Bride
This Is It
Across the Universe


In General:
Most romantic comedies. The ones where you know exactly how the end will play out and the couple lives happily ever after. Call me a pessimist or dead inside, but that's not how real life works.

Any movies that have been adapted from Nicholas Sparks' novels for the same reasons as above. But, I confess, I have seen The Last Song.  My excuse? Liam Hemsworth. He is sexy and his accent is sexy.  Enough said.

Anything with Drew Berrymore in it. I can't stand watching her speak out the side of her mouth the way she does which makes her have a slight lisp (I apologize if it's due to some deformity). And, by the way, who's cruel idea was it to make her the spokeswoman for Covergirl's Lash Blast Mascara? Don't they realize how hard it must be for her to say all those s's?

Anything with Jack Black or Jim Carrey. Not a fan of either.

Musicals.  It's bad enough to have to sit through one at a theater, but to make it into a movie? Now that's just torture.

Anything that involves aliens or any other sort of weird, non-existing creatures.

I'm generally not a huge fan of comic book/superhero movies.  Although I would like to see Iron Man and the Batman movies. See? I'm willing to venture out!

Look Who's Riding My Coattails Now

So I was listening to my iTunes on shuffle, and this song came on.  Let's just say I was outraged! I thought one artist stealing my phrase was just a coincidence. But now this?!?! Shoot me once, shame on me.  Shoot me twice...uh...you can't shoot the shooter, heh heh!  It's a good song, though, so you should probably listen to it. (In this short blog, I've 'stolen' lines from both Stephen Colbert and Mike Birbiglia, but I'm still supes pissed at Keith.  I'll bring it up at our next couple's therapy session.  Why does he always have to bring Nicole with him?).

Somebody Like You by Keith Urban

There's a new wind blowin' like I've never known

I'm breathin' deeper than I've ever done

And it sure feels good, to finally feel the way I do

Now, I wanna love somebody

Love somebody like you

An' I'm lettin' go of all my lonely yesterdays

I've forgiven myself for the mistakes I've made

Now there's just one thing, the only thing I wanna do, mmm, mmm

I wanna love somebody

Love somebody like you

Yeah, I wanna feel the sunshine

Shinin' down on me and you

When you put your arms around me

You let me know there's nothing in this world I can't do

I used to run in circles goin' no-where fast

I'd take, uh, one step forward and two steps back

Couldn't walk a straight line even if I wanted to, mmm, mmm

I wanna love somebody

Love somebody like you

Whoa here we go now

Yeah, I wanna feel the sunshine

Shinin' down on me and you

When you put your arms around me

Well, baby there ain't nothing in this world I can't do

Sometimes it's hard for me to understand

But you're teachin' me to be a better man

I don't want to take this life for granted like I used to do, no, no

I wanna love somebody

Love somebody like you

I'm ready to love somebody

Love somebody like you, ooh

An' I wanna love somebody

Love somebody like you, yeah

Oh yeah oh, I wanna be the man in the middle of the night

Shinin' like it's true

I wanna be the man that you run to whenever I call on you

When everything that loved someone finally found it's way

Wanna be a better man, I see it in you, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, you wanna believe it

Something Like A Cross Between a Blonde and Racist Moment

       So I was watching an episode from Season 2 of LOST, which, by the way, really annoys me.  Mostly because I do not give a flip about the 'tailies' and both Michelle Rodriguez and her character piss me off.  Plus, Desmond just disappears until the end of the season.  Why would you torture me like that?  I know, I know, I am being quite the negatarian. ANYWHO, I'm not quite sure how to best capture the hilarity of the situation, and to allllll my followers out there who don't watch LOST, it's not going to be funny, nor will it make sense.  Moral of the story: watch LOST, dammit!
      Ok, so I'm watching this scene between Mr. Eko and Bernard. And it goes like so:
*Cue very dramatic background music and extremely serious, somber attitudes*
"I heard you were the one who pulled the dead bodies out of the water" -Bernard
 Nice ice breaker, Bernard. I'll have to use that the next time I find myself in a natural disaster. 
"Yes" -Mr. Eko
"Were any of them African American?" -Bernard
What the?!?! *starts cracking up* Why would you ask that? See how he's coping with having to carry any of  'his people' out of the ocean? That's so rac... OOOO!! Never mind. *stops laughing* 


I felt really stupid after I realized what he was asking. Maybe I shouldn't watch LOST so late at night. Or maybe I should, so far it's been a hell of a lot funnier, even if it doesn't make as much sense. Who am I kidding? LOST never really made any sense.

I had wanted to write a more meaningful blog, but this situation just presented itself, and who am I to deny myself the opportunity to talk about LOST?

Goodnight, World. Goodnight, Sideways World.

Someone Like You

Adele is always stealing my material.  I love this song, and have been listening to it on repeat for the better part of the day.  I'm in the mood to listen to sad love songs and drink some hot chocolate while wrapped up in a blanket and stare out at the gloomy, overcast sky that somehow always seems to match how I'm feeling.  But I gave up chocolate for Lent and have two lab reports to write, so I press pause, open my book and carry on.

I heard that you're settled down 

That you found a girl and you're married now

I heard that you're dreams came true

Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you

Old friend, why are you so shy?

It ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light

I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited

But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it

I'd hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded

 That for me, it isn't over

Never mind,  I'll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best for you two

Don't forget me, I beg

I remember you said:

"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"

You know how the time flies

Only yesterday was the time of our lives

We were born and raised in a summery haze

Bound by the surprise of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited

But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it

I'd hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded

 That for me, it isn't over

Never mind I'll find someone new

I wish nothing but the best for you two

Don't forget me, I beg

I remember you said:

"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"

Nothing compares 

No worries or cares

Regrets and mistakes 

They are memories made

Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste

Never mind I'll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best for you two

Don't forget me, I beg

I remember you said:

"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"

Never mind I'll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best for you two 

Don't forget me, I beg

I remember you said:

"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"

 Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead

A Friendship Like Ours

            Once upon a time, in a land not in Asia but in the Pacific Islands region (unless, of course, it was OK to be called Asia that particular day), a beautiful baby girl named Natalia was born.  And this little baby was no ordinary baby for she had special powers…powers that she would not know of until much later.

            At around this same time, in a land across the sea, another little girl named Katherine was preparing for her first Christmas.  Well, she wasn’t really on account of her being only months old, but boy, were here parents excited.

            Little did these two girls know just what JACK had in store for them.  But, then again, maybe somewhere deep down inside they did, because when their worlds collided, it felt like they had always known each other.

            Fast forward fourteen years or so and Natalia had grown into a beautiful young lady and had moved across the sea.  Katherine, while not as beautiful, had also grown.  While not knowing each other at the time, they both headed off to Alletak High School to begin a new chapter in their lives.

            While Natalia may argue with Katherine over when they first really met, as Natalia claims to have said several hello’s and how’s it going’s to Katherine, but it wasn’t until Katherine’s junior year that they began to really talk.  For Katherine was a shy girl and didn’t really open up easily to Natalia’s friendly advances.

            But during that volleyball offseason, something amazing happened that the world probably wasn’t prepared for: Natalia and Katherine became friends. But it wasn’t all rainbows and sunshine in the beginning.  Katherine still remembers that traumatic day when she rang up Natalia to relay some important volleyball information and Natalia replied, “Katherine who?”

            But after Katherine had established who she was and Natalia was able to put a face with the name, their relationship really took off.

            It was around this time that Katherine became aware of Natalia’s special powers.  Natalia was able to make Katherine laugh until she couldn’t breathe, make her comfortable with sharing feelings that would otherwise go unsaid, and make her feel important and special.  In short, Natalia filled the empty space in Katherine’s heart that Katherine hadn’t even known was there.

            They took the world by storm with their plethora of inside jokes and complete disregard for how crazy they looked when they were out in public together.  They helped each other deal with silly boy problems and provided shoulders to cry on when life got too heavy.  They were unstoppable.

            But then it came time for Katherine to go on to college and leave Natalia.  It was both an exciting and sad time for Katherine.  She was scared that she would lose the closeness of her and Natalia’s friendship.  As time went on though, Katherine realized how silly she was for thinking that only one hundred miles could even come close to messing with their relationship.  Although they didn’t get to see each other as often, when they did, it was as if Katherine had never left.

            Then it was time for Natalia to go join Katherine at college and JACK wouldn’t have it any other way.  Katherine was beyond ecstatic to be able to experience college with her best friend.  That fall quarter they spent together was one of the best times in Katherine’s life.

            It came to a screeching halt one day when Natalia quietly stated that she wouldn’t be enrolling for the next quarter.  Katherine, in that moment, became very selfish and couldn’t understand why Natalia would do this to her.  But she quickly realized that Natalia wasn’t doing this to hurt Katherine, but because it was what she needed to do.  Katherine, although sad, saw Natalia off with her full support.

            This new development did not phase their relationship.  In fact, it was almost as if Natalia never left since she was always coming down for weekends filled with dancing, birthdays, and goofing off.  Natalia continued to use her special powers and keen insight to save Katherine from a college-life crisis (similar to a mid-life crisis).  Katherine tried to reciprocate these powers whenever Natalia needed them.

            As they continued along the path of life, they soon found themselves graduating and moving into the big, bad world full of work and responsibility.  As always, Katherine was a bit scared, but Natalia was right by her side as they took the plunge into adulthood.

            Years came and went,  Natalia and Katherine had their ups and downs, and families of their own.  Katherine took Natalia’s daughter and her own shopping and taught them all she knew about bargain hunting and the latest trends.  Meanwhile, Natalia coached their sons’ basketball team because that is what they agreed upon way back when they were in high school.

            And as Natalia and Katherine sat on the porch of their summer lake house and watched their grandchildren play in the water, Natalia turned to Katherine and asked, “Do you even remember how this all started?”

            Katherine simply smiled and pull out an old, beat up little notebook and replied, “Let me tell you…”

Someone Like You WOULD Find Me Unfunny

This is dedicated to Chelsey (and her couch). Please sing this parody out loud to the tune of Our House by Madness

Katie wears her Sunday best

He’s coming over, she’s so stressed

Richard’s alarm’s playing down upstairs

Yu-Chun's sighing in her sleep

Asami's got a date to keep

She can't hang around

Chelsey’s couch, in the middle of the room

Chelsey’s couch, in the middle of the ...

Chelsey’s couch, it has a crowd

There's always something happening

And it's usually quite loud

Chelsey, she's so couch-proud

Nothing ever slows her down

And a kiss is not allowed

Chelsey’s couch, in the middle of the room

Chelsey’s couch, in the middle of the ...

Chelsey’s couch, in the middle of the room

Chelsey’s couch, in the middle of the ...

(Something tells her that she’s got to get away from it)

Chelsey comes back late from Jo’s

That means it’s time for him to go

Katie sends him off on his way

Sees him off with a small kiss

She's the one he’s going to miss

In lots of ways

Chelsey’s couch, in the middle of the room

Chelsey’s couch, in the middle of the ...

I remember way back then when everything was true and when

We would have such a very good time such a fine time

Such a happy time

And I remember how we'd play, simply sit on Chelsey’s couch

Then we'd say nothing would come between us two dreamers

Sarah wants in on the action

It gives her much satisfaction

The A-Team is scheming up Plan B

Katie's sighing in her sleep

He has got a flight to keep

He can't hang around

Chelsey’s couch, in the middle of the room

Chelsey’s couch, in the middle of the room

Chelsey’s couch, in the middle of the room

Chelsey’s couch, in the middle of the ...

Chelsey’s couch, was our castle and our bliss

Chelsey’s couch, in the middle of the room

Chelsey’s couch, that was where we used to kiss

Chelsey’s couch, in the middle of the room

Chelsey’s couch, in the middle of the room

A Certain Someone Like You

    I've never liked romantic, mushy-gushy relationships.  They're complicated, messy, and usually wind up making you crazy.  But not all crazy is bad.  Just ask Beyonce; she'll tell you she's crazy in love.  Maybe that's how relationships are supposed to be: a healthy mix of crazy and love. I'm certainly not an expert in love, though I have been told numerous times that I can be a bit crazy.  So, it looks like I'm halfway there to a successful relationship.  Well, I guess technically less than halfway, on account of not having someone to be in a relationship with.  Let's just say I've got the crazy part covered.
   It's not like I try to avoid relationships, or am against them.  It's safe to say I don't have a ton of guys lining up to be with me.  But I don't mind, I'm secure enough to believe that there's at least one guy out of the 3.4 billion* that roam this planet that is willing to be with me. 
  Which leads me to the meat of this blog.  I did meet a certain someone out of that 3.4 billion pool of potential mates, PPM for short (it's a real scientific and sociological term used by experts**).  And therein lies the problem.  This certain someone just happened to be from a country scagillions of miles away and was only here for a quarter. Plus, I didn't even meet him until much later into the quarter, combined with the fact that we didn't even start "seeing each other" (or whatever the cool, hip phrase is nowadays) until a week or so before he was supposed to go back home.  I definitely know how to pick 'em. 
   I tried to talk myself out of liking him for the very reasons I just mentioned, but that's what annoys me with feelings: you can't really control them.  So there I was, falling for someone I knew that I could possibly never see again.  I guess  I know that what bothers me the most about these situations is being vulnerable; putting my feelings out there, knowing there's always that risk that those feelings won't be reciprocated.  But that's something I've been working on, letting people know how I'm really feeling.  It's  just even more difficult when those feelings involve a boy.
   It's been about a month since he's left.  So why are you writing about this now, one may ask.  Great question, one!  The reason being, I can't shake these feelings for this certain someone.  It's really been a struggle between my head and my heart.  My brain keeps telling me to get over it.  Typical questions/comment from my brain include, but are not limited to:

"How could this relationship ever possibly work out?" 

                   "You don't have the money to go visit. And even if you did, do you really think a visit or two a year constitutes a relationship?"

"You need to get over him.  He has his life over there, you have yours here."

"Does he even feel the same about you?"

Now, I know what you're thinking: that brain of yours is a total buzz kill!  Tell me about it!  I'm the one stuck with it.  My heart faces a tough opponent, but it  tries to fight back with such words of encouragement like:

"Remember what the great Justin Bieber once said, 'Never say never'"

                    "Just let things happen naturally, whether it be the outcome you wanted or not.  But don't worry about it."

                     "If it's meant to be, it's meant to be."

"Maybe you two are destined to have a Desmond/Penny relationship."

Thanks, Heart, you know just how to cheer me up.

   The bottom line, regardless of what my brain or heart says, is I miss him.  And to put it eloquently, it sucks.  Oh, Life!  The one time I find a guy I really like, you just have to take him away.  I don't want to make this a pity party blog, but I guess, in a way, it is. Sorry for that, it feels good to put all this down on paper (I originally wrote this all out, because I'm old school like that).

    However this chapter in my life ends (or begins? -Heart), I'll look back on it and smile.  We had some good times (and many more to come... Ok, really, Heart, stop it!).  Like the saying goes, it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.***  Well, the next level or so down from love, let's not get carried away.  But you get the point.

    So regardless if  I ever see him again, whether or not we were meant to be, or if I wait eight years for a phone call from him (LOST reference), I'm thankful he was a part of my life.

“Got me looking so crazy, my baby

I’m not myself, lately I’m foolish, I don’t do this

I’ve been playing myself, baby, I don’t care

‘Cause your love’s got the best of me”

*This stat was found from a random website, so there could really be 5 billion guys in the world or 500. I guess we'll never know.

**PPM is, in fact, an entirely made up acronym.  But it's pretty awesome, so just go with it.

***In Memoriam by Tennyson