A Certain Someone Like You

    I've never liked romantic, mushy-gushy relationships.  They're complicated, messy, and usually wind up making you crazy.  But not all crazy is bad.  Just ask Beyonce; she'll tell you she's crazy in love.  Maybe that's how relationships are supposed to be: a healthy mix of crazy and love. I'm certainly not an expert in love, though I have been told numerous times that I can be a bit crazy.  So, it looks like I'm halfway there to a successful relationship.  Well, I guess technically less than halfway, on account of not having someone to be in a relationship with.  Let's just say I've got the crazy part covered.
   It's not like I try to avoid relationships, or am against them.  It's safe to say I don't have a ton of guys lining up to be with me.  But I don't mind, I'm secure enough to believe that there's at least one guy out of the 3.4 billion* that roam this planet that is willing to be with me. 
  Which leads me to the meat of this blog.  I did meet a certain someone out of that 3.4 billion pool of potential mates, PPM for short (it's a real scientific and sociological term used by experts**).  And therein lies the problem.  This certain someone just happened to be from a country scagillions of miles away and was only here for a quarter. Plus, I didn't even meet him until much later into the quarter, combined with the fact that we didn't even start "seeing each other" (or whatever the cool, hip phrase is nowadays) until a week or so before he was supposed to go back home.  I definitely know how to pick 'em. 
   I tried to talk myself out of liking him for the very reasons I just mentioned, but that's what annoys me with feelings: you can't really control them.  So there I was, falling for someone I knew that I could possibly never see again.  I guess  I know that what bothers me the most about these situations is being vulnerable; putting my feelings out there, knowing there's always that risk that those feelings won't be reciprocated.  But that's something I've been working on, letting people know how I'm really feeling.  It's  just even more difficult when those feelings involve a boy.
   It's been about a month since he's left.  So why are you writing about this now, one may ask.  Great question, one!  The reason being, I can't shake these feelings for this certain someone.  It's really been a struggle between my head and my heart.  My brain keeps telling me to get over it.  Typical questions/comment from my brain include, but are not limited to:

"How could this relationship ever possibly work out?" 

                   "You don't have the money to go visit. And even if you did, do you really think a visit or two a year constitutes a relationship?"

"You need to get over him.  He has his life over there, you have yours here."

"Does he even feel the same about you?"

Now, I know what you're thinking: that brain of yours is a total buzz kill!  Tell me about it!  I'm the one stuck with it.  My heart faces a tough opponent, but it  tries to fight back with such words of encouragement like:

"Remember what the great Justin Bieber once said, 'Never say never'"

                    "Just let things happen naturally, whether it be the outcome you wanted or not.  But don't worry about it."

                     "If it's meant to be, it's meant to be."

"Maybe you two are destined to have a Desmond/Penny relationship."

Thanks, Heart, you know just how to cheer me up.

   The bottom line, regardless of what my brain or heart says, is I miss him.  And to put it eloquently, it sucks.  Oh, Life!  The one time I find a guy I really like, you just have to take him away.  I don't want to make this a pity party blog, but I guess, in a way, it is. Sorry for that, it feels good to put all this down on paper (I originally wrote this all out, because I'm old school like that).

    However this chapter in my life ends (or begins? -Heart), I'll look back on it and smile.  We had some good times (and many more to come... Ok, really, Heart, stop it!).  Like the saying goes, it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.***  Well, the next level or so down from love, let's not get carried away.  But you get the point.

    So regardless if  I ever see him again, whether or not we were meant to be, or if I wait eight years for a phone call from him (LOST reference), I'm thankful he was a part of my life.

“Got me looking so crazy, my baby

I’m not myself, lately I’m foolish, I don’t do this

I’ve been playing myself, baby, I don’t care

‘Cause your love’s got the best of me”

*This stat was found from a random website, so there could really be 5 billion guys in the world or 500. I guess we'll never know.

**PPM is, in fact, an entirely made up acronym.  But it's pretty awesome, so just go with it.

***In Memoriam by Tennyson