Tell Me What You Want, What You Really Really Want

We were just watching some muted basketball and slowly moving closer together.  Holding one hand...both hands participating in the hand holding...him skooching down the couch so his face was closer to mine...him resting his head on mine...the occasional kiss on the top of my head...looking down at me, trying to make eye contact...me silently screaming: "just kiss me already"...I finally look up at him, we both smile that "finally" smile...our lips meet...we kiss.

Just sleeping in my little twin-sized bed, his arms wrapped around me. I don't think I could feel any happier.  That is where I belong.

I really love how he plays with my hair when I'm resting my head on his shoulder.

We slept in. God, I wish I could wake up every morning with him right there beside me.

From there, I dropped him off at the airport by myself.  We shared a not-long-enough embrace, a few kisses, our "I'll miss you's", and my "Why are you always leaving?".  I let go of him, he grabbed his bags and I watched him walk through those sliding glass doors and disappear.  I lingered for a second longer, filing away all the memories we made in our short time together. I got in my car, and as I turned the key, I wondered if goodbye was as hard for him as it was for me.  I made it to the freeway merging lane before the tears came.  Hot, heavy, painful tears that left streaks in my makeup and made driving not so safe.  "Somebody That I Used to Know" was playing on the radio.

It honestly feels like a lifetime ago. I have to remind myself it actually happened because it seems so surreal, so dreamlike.  Mostly because I've dreamed about him knocking on my door since the day he left.

"I just want to be with you."
"So do I (with you, I'm with myself quite regularly)"

I'm so proud and excited for you.

It would be a tough choice, though.  Leaving all his friends, family, shoot, his flippin' country.

I'd like to think he at least thought about me, about us.

 ...the fact that we could be together.

I've been thinking about it a lot recently about what I want. I think I know now. I want a chance for us to be together.  As in no one has plans to leave any time soon.  A chance to be with him.  A chance to give it a go. A chance to see what we can be.

I just don't know if that's what he wants.

How do I even bring it up?

"The day before I left
Started missing you like hell, like hell
Now I'm frustrated everyday
That you live so far away
We could have a postcard relationship
We could build a castle in the air, it isn't fair
Marie, Marie you live so far away from me
And it's so hard to be happy when you're living in another country"

Something Like My Declaration of (My Intention to Live in) Australia

As I was writing my most recent post, I found myself wanting to add my little Declaration of Australia (I’m gonna trademark that shiz. Rule #1 of Revolution Making: Make money off of it. I may have some trouble from these lovely fellows, though.)  So I thought: ‘Hey, why not make two separate posts?’ In one day? Hells ya! If only I could be more productive in my studies. It’s not my fault I suffer from a severe case of senioritis (Word doesn’t even put the red squiggly line under ‘senioritis,’ so you know it’s real). Anywho, in my last post, I was talking about letting go of the worry of not finding a job, of the embarrassment when everyone talks of graduate school, of the flustered and insincere response when asked what I’m doing after graduation, of the shame and guilt I feel whenever I discuss with my somewhat disappointed parents my taking a year off to live in Australia, of doing what is expected of me.

Going to Australia is something that I feel like I’ve wanted to do since I was young, I just never got to growing up.  Why Australia? I'm not sure, maybe because my dad enjoyed his trips there so much, and I still like hearing the stories he has from his time there.  For instance, he was the only one ‘brave’ enough to drive, but the streets are confusing in downtown (if my dad says something is confusing, I don’t know how anyone can handle it), so he would just make left turns until he got to the intended street, go down it and make a couple more left turns until they were on the correct side of the street they needed to be on.  Apparently the right turn lanes are on the very left side of the street, and to turn right, you cross all lanes of traffic.  A man probably came up with that brilliant idea.  Or how he went to some beach and watched a bunch of penguins walk by in a line, like they were in a parade.  I’m not sure about that one, but if he says so.  Anyway, I thought about studying abroad, but bioengineering is very strict in its required classes and by the time I looked into it, it was too late if I wanted to graduate in four years. And believe me, four years is plenty.  So someone like Chelsey and I came up with the awesome plan of visiting there after graduation for about a month.  Then we had an even BETTER idea, and said eff it, let’s get a working holiday visa and go for a year.  Why not? It’s the perfect time: the economy and job market are bleh, we really have no other commitments, no jobs, no families of our own to look after.

Well, let’s just say my parents weren’t too excited. I hadn’t figured out how I was going to break it to them, or if I was even going to until our plans were more solidified.  They knew of our original plan, but not the revised, eleven month longer trip.  But I didn’t need to worry about telling them, because a certain someone brought it up while we were talking to my dad.  It went something like this:


“And maybe you guys can come visit me when you’re living in Australia.”

“How long are you planning on staying in Australia?” –Dad

“………Umm…a year?” –I said really quickly and tried to change the subject.

 But I’m glad it happened because now they know.  Suffice to say, they weren’t exactly thrilled to here this. And I understand.  After paying for your child’s not-so-cheap undergraduate education, I’m sure the first thing the child says after graduating is, “Hey, remember that degree you just paid for? Well, I’m gonna go live in Australia for a year. And I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life. Ok, thanks! Bye!”  What they want to hear is: “Hey, thanks for paying for college, I just got an awesome job that pays well and that I love. I can take care of myself now.” 

The next day my mom asked me about. “So your Dad was telling me that you’re going to go Australia for a year? How’s that going to work?”  They were, and still are, mostly concerned with us being safe, having places to stay, having money, and all the things that parents worry about.  But they don’t really take me seriously, especially my mom.  During break, she asked me what I was going to do with my Christmas money and I said I was going to save it for Australia.  She asked if we were still going, and if we were still planning on going for a year.  When I said yes, she just laughed as she walked out of the room.  And that’s what makes me upset.  Yes, I understand that you might not be super happy about my decision, but I would appreciate my decision being taken seriously.  At least my dad is asking me about my plans, and if I could get any biotech internships or if they have any biotech programs that I could apply to.

Honestly, I just want to do something solely and wholly for me. I feel like all my life I've been doing what I'm 'supposed' to be doing.  Get good grades in order to get into a good university, be a good student, graduate, find a good job and work for the next 40-50 years of my life. No thank you! If that's all life is cracked up to be, I want absolutely no part in it.  So maybe my parents don't think it's the wisest choice to go to Australia for a year, but it won't change my mind.  Sure, I'll be sad that I won't have their full support in this endeavor, but it will be the first real decision I've made for myself regarding my future, and more importantly, it'll be the first one that I'll be funding myself (Yes, I chose to go to UCSD, but again, that was something I was supposed to do and my parents took care of the bills).  This decision could have life-impacting consequences, both positive and negative, but it is mine alone to make.

Because, honestly, what would I be doing in this ‘year off’? I would most likely be living at home, and trying, most likely without success, to find a job.  So, ya, if I’m going to be jobless and homeless, why not be jobless and homeless in Australia?  Plus, with Australia’s unemployment rate at about half of California's (5.2% to 11%, US average is 8.2%), it might just be a better place to be. Albeit, there are about 15 million more people living in California than Australia (that’s sad. There's so much land in the middle!!) and those rates probably need to be adjusted accordingly, and blah, blah, blah, math terms, but you get the picture.

So here I am, declaring my intention to go live in Australia for a year. What will I be doing once I get there? Well, besides leading the Australian Revolution and becoming famous for my Oscar-worthy busking performances, I don't really know.  And I think I want to keep it that way. I have a few places I want to visit, a few people I want to catch up with, but the rest I don't really want to worry about.  

You might think it's weird that I'm making such a big deal about this. But it is a really big deal for me. For some reason, I've been a bit embarrassed and even a bit guilty for deciding to go live in a foreign country for a year instead of going the 'safer' route of job-searching/working.  And once anyone and everyone finds out I'm graduating in June, the first question they ask is what I'm going to do afterwards. I usually just say something very vague like just try to find a job, because I feel like taking a year off isn't what people want to hear.  I actually just told my senior design team my intentions, and they thought it was a good idea.  They're the first people I've told, besides family and close friends.  It felt good; it made it seem more real, if that makes any sense.  It made me feel like I can actually do it, and that I am capable of doing it.  And it was also reassuring to have my peers' support.  That conversation was the inspiration for this post and for me wanting to declare it to the world...the world.  I don't mean for it to be super dramatic, but I'm just really excited.

                Besides, Australia is the key to the whole game.  So I think going there is a pretty good start on figuring this whole 'life' thing out. 

                The Great Wall of Australia, a work in progress.  Don't worry Western, Northern and Central Australia! I'm sure there's tons of super duper fun things to do on your side of the country!

My LOST Life: Something Like an Analogy

So after reading this article entitled, Why it's OK to be Lost and Confused, I had an epiphany: Life is a helluva lot like LOST. More specifically, life is like the extended version of LOST: confusing as eff, but in the end it doesn't really matter, because you'll be with the ones who mean the most to you.  LOST, life...both start with 'L.' Coincidence? I think not! There's no such thing.  Everything happens for a reason.  One should not mistake coincidence for fate.  Is it fate that life parallels LOST so greatly (Or is it the other way around? No one will ever know!)? Is it fate that I feel so lost in my life right now?  Is there such thing as being 'un-lost' in this crazy world? Honestly, do any of us really know what the hell we're actually doing at any given moment? That's what I thought. 

With the looming day of freedom, otherwise known as graduation, drawing nearer and nearer, I find myself struggling to have my life all neatly laid out and wrapped up in a pretty bow, so that once I'm handed my diploma, I'm off to the land of successful, self-providing adults. But the more that I try to do that, the more I realize I have no idea what I want to do with my life.  But in this realization, I am finding comfort and am slowly becoming more accepting, even if my parents haven't, of the fact that maybe I don't need to have the rest of my life planned out.  In a recent stroke of genius (and my motto for 2012 of DGAFin' it), I decided to let it all go.  I've let go of the worry of possibly, leaning towards probably, not finding work, of the embarrassment when everyone else is talking of graduate school, of the flustered and insincere response when asked what I'm doing after graduation, of the shame and guilt I feel whenever I discuss with my somewhat disappointed parents my taking a year off to live in Australia, of doing what I feel is expected of me.  

I can't say that by letting go of all these negative emotions I've finally figured it all out or discovered all the answers to life's mysteries; I'm still pretty lost.  But it's being at peace with that that has made me feel so much better.  As the author of the article put it, 

"Every day I am crumbling more apart and yet falling more together all at the same time."  I feel like I have to break down all of the negative walls and facades I've put up in order to start putting my life together the way I want it to be, and not with someone else's expectations.  

Not until we are lost do we begin to find ourselves. -Henry David Thoreau

You could not be more right, my friend.  And he should know. He spent two years living in a cabin in the forest his buddy, Emerson, owned.  If that doesn’t sound like a guy a bit lost, or maybe just a little confused, then I don’t know what is.  Maybe he thought he had found Jacob’s cabin and was waiting around to give Ben some directions.  And after stumbling and feeling my way through (blindly at times) almost four years of college, I feel like its purpose (for me at least) was to point out the things I don't want to do, not the one thing that I want to do with the rest of my life.  And I think it's better that way. Maybe that’s how life is supposed to work.  You go from one experience to the next, learning a little bit more about yourself along the way.  Do I really want to have just one thing that I want to do for the rest of my life? That sounds pretty boring. There’s so much I want to do, so many places I want to see, why should I limit myself to picking just one?  I had a conversation about this need to find ‘what I’m supposed to do with my life’ with someone like my best friend a while ago, and she had some pretty wise advice.

"I feel like school is keeping me from doing what I want. But at the same time, I don't know what that is." -Me

"Well, that thing that you want is something only you can find and how you find it depends on how you live your life…And I think you're just not looking at the big picture.”           –Someone like Nat

“What's the big picture?"

"Well, where do you see yourself in ten years? Just like hobbies, interests. And then, what kind of people do you enjoy being around? What type of conversations do you like having? What motivates you, in your studies, when you work out? What keeps you going? What do you feel passionate about? All these things, they point to a direction if you think about it."

"Ya, I just feel like I'm waiting for this 'light bulb' moment where I find something that I just know I want to do, but I haven't felt that yet."

"Well, if you rush it, you're never going to feel it."

            And she’s right.  I really like how she put it, that this ‘purpose’ is something only I can find and how I find it depends on how I live my life.  So I’m just gonna keep living my life, taking chances, and taking advantage of all the opportunities that come my way.  Besides, what’s the worst that could happen if I let go of needing to know all the answers? 

“As humans, we have a strange compulsion to figure everything out and to turn unpredictability into certainty. I wanted the answers to come to me like a flash of lightning. I imagined that this was how life worked; that I couldn’t be happy until I had every detail of my life squared away. I wanted to know what my ‘calling’ was and who my soul mate was and where to find happiness and when life would finally make sense. I wanted to know who the heck I was.”

I find this especially true with me.  Maybe it’s how my brain is wired, or my logical, science-y (real word) way of thinking through problems and situations that makes it difficult to accept that not everything in life is figure-out-able (again, real word).  And as hard as it is for me to deal with the mysterious ways of life, letting go of the worry of it all has been so freeing.

“Maybe life is a never-ending mystery, and your only job is to learn to be ok with that. It doesn’t have to be a scary thing; instead, it can be freeing. Once you can learn to trust and to feel safe within this blanket of a universe, then you no longer need to cling to a certainty that just doesn’t exist. You can rest in the questions; you can live in the bittersweet mystery.”

            Besides, I think being an avid fan of LOST has prepared me to ‘rest in the questions’ and to live in the ‘bittersweet mystery’ of life.  It didn’t take very many episodes for me to realize that there was no way I was going to figure this show out.  Each week, when the screen went black and ‘LOST’ popped up, I’d be left with my face scrunched up in a ‘what-the-what?!?!’ look with my mouth slightly agape.  It made me crazy, but I was okay with it.  And I couldn’t wait until the next week to do it all over again.  Why it took me so much longer to be this accepting of the mysterious, crazy ways of life?  I’m not so sure, and I can’t put a number to the times I’ve thought to myself, ‘what the what?’ (and that’s so Raven, but that’s another story for another time), in my life, but I’m quite sure it outnumbers my LOST ‘what the what’ moments by at least a scagillion. 

            The moral of this blog: it’s okay to be lost, it’s okay to watch LOST, and it’s definitely okay to compare life to LOST. It’s okay to let go of the questions that can’t be answered and the need to answer them.  It’s okay to let go of other’s expectations of you.  Because like the old adage says, life is about the journey not the destination. Just watch the finale of LOST.  Did they answer any of questions brought up throughout the course of six seasons? Like what the hell that huge bird/pterodactyl was or why it was squawking Hurley's name?  Or why Walt was so special?  Or what was up with that black horse Kate kept seeing? No, not really. Did it matter?  No.  The point of the finale was to prove that in the end, the show (life) wasn’t about finding the answers to the island’s (life’s) many mysteries; it was about the relationships created, the people met, the decisions made, the fact that no one does it alone.  It’s about looking into the eye of life and finding something beautiful.  It’s about progress.

            See you in another life, brotha!

And since I sprinkled in LOST quotes here and there, I had to include this one, but it didn’t really fit, so I’ll just stick it at the end here:

"Please don't give up, Des. Because all we really need to survive is one person who truly loves us. And you have her. I will wait for you. Always. I love you, Pen." 

That's good stuff right there! Gets me everytime!

Here is the link to the article that was the inspiration for this post: 

http://www.theunlost.com/life-in-general/what-to-do-when-youre-lost-and-confused/

Just in case you're feeling generous (Is it bad that I have yet to see the bonus footage from the Season 6 DVDs? Shh! Don't tell!) :

http://www.amazon.com/Lost-Complete-Collection-Jorge-Garcia/dp/B0036EH3WU/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1328772709&sr=8-3

Birthday Girl (Parody of Piano Man by Billy Joel)

For someone like my best friend and birthday girl, Nathalie.

It's seven thirty on a Saturday

The regular klan shuffles in

There's a birthday girl sittin’ next to me

Waitin’ for the party to begin

She says, "Katie, can you play beer pong with me?

‘Cuz I’ve finally turned twenty-one

It is great and it's sweet but my team’s not complete

And we will have so much fun”

La la la, de de da

La la, de de da da da

We’ll sing you a song, you're the birthday girl

We’ll sing you a song tonight

Well, we're all in the mood for a melody

And you've got us feelin' alright

Now Jezli, in the back, is a friend of mine

And she always brings me much glee

She’s quick to get sick, the diseases you wouldn’t pick

But there's no place that she'd rather be

She says, "Katie, I believe this drink is getting to me."

As the smile crept across her glowing face

"Well I'm sure that I could start some chaos

So I should probably get out of this place"

Oh, la la la, de de da

La la, de de da da da

Now Katie is a biotechnologist

Who always had time for a baseball game

And she's talkin' with Chelsey and they both agree

That studying for finals is lame

And Jo is practicing medicine

As the undergrads get by on their own

Yes, they're sharing a drink they call happiness

And it's better than drinkin' alone

We’ll sing you a song, you're the birthday girl

We’ll sing you a song tonight

Well, we're all in the mood for a melody

And you've got us feelin' alright

It's a pretty good crowd for a birthday party

And Nathalie gives me a smile

'Cause she knows that it's her that they’re comin' to see

To celebrate her life for a while

And the music, it sounds like a carnival

And this microphone smells like a beer

And we stand around and put cake in our mouths

And say, "Man, what are you doin' here?"

Oh, la la la, de de da

La la, de de da da da

We’ll sing you a song, you're the birthday girl

We’ll sing you a song tonight

Well, we're all in the mood for a melody

And you've got us feelin' alright

Jackson and Me

 "What I really wanted to say was how this animal had touched our souls and taught us some of the most important lessons of our lives. A person can learn a lot from a dog…He taught me about living each day with unbridled exuberance and joy, about seizing the moment and following your heart. He taught me to appreciate the simple things- a walk in the woods… a nap in a shaft of winter sunlight. And as he grew old and achy, he taught me about optimism in the face of adversity. Mostly, he taught me about friendship and selflessness and, above all else, unwavering loyalty." –John Grogan

"A dog has no use for fancy cars or big homes or designer clothes. Status symbol means nothing to him. A waterlogged stick will do just fine. A dog judges others not by their color or creed or class but by who they are inside. A dog doesn't care if you are rich or poor, educated or illiterate, clever or dull. Give him your heart and he will give you his. It was really quite simple, and yet we humans, so much wiser and more sophisticated, have always had trouble figuring out what really counts and what does not. I realized it was all right there in front of us, if only we opened our eyes. Sometimes it took a dog with bad breath, worse manners, and pure intentions to help us see."

— John Grogan

     I don't ever remember Jackson being little.  To me, he was always this big, hairy, overweight puppy (Yes, puppy. I refer to all dogs of all ages and sizes as puppies because they are all just too cute to be called anything else. Except adorable. Or cuddly...But I digress).  Jackson was the best puppy.  We got him when I was eight, and I can't really remember how it was without him in our lives.  It's crazy to think that he had been apart of more then half of my life.  And now to think that he won't be there to greet me at the front door, tail going crazy when I go home for Thanksgiving makes me tear up.  

     To those who aren't dog people or for those who don't have pets, it probably doesn't make much sense to love an animal and feel such a strong connection with one.  But Jackson was as much apart of our family as any of our 'human' family members.  My brother and I grew up with him; we all grew up together. I would get in trouble for hitting my brother and Jackson would get in trouble for chewing something from the trash can.  Jackson would eat anything. And I mean anything.  Bathroom trash, keys, used tissues, packets of gum... You name it, he probably ate it.  He also survived eating a whole Sam's Club sized bag of chocolate chips and a bag of Hershey's Kisses (Not at the same time, but still).  His stomach was indestructible.

     He also enjoyed eating flies.  We would all gather and watch him track the fly, lunge at it and try to grab it with his mouth.  It was quite a funny site, mostly because he wasn't so good at the tracking part.  He would see it fly by and continue to stare at the point where he initially saw it until he heard it buzzing somewhere else, then he would whip around and try to find it again.  He was actually successful a number of times. And when he did catch one, he would run under the kitchen table and play with it for awhile. The look on his face as he saw the fly crawling around was priceless. It was like he was genuinely trying to figure out this strange flying creature but had no idea where to start.  Even in his last days, when we were waiting in the back of the Tahoe at the Pet Hospital, a fly flew by and Jackson perked up and got that look that said he was going to kill that fly if it ever came back into view.

      It's strange to say, but Jackson's passing is the first time I've really had to deal with death.  I know I'm lucky in that sense, but it feels pretty foreign.  Again, I know this probably won't make sense to the non-pet owners, but it's like I lost a family member.  Of course I felt really sad when I heard the news that we were going to have to put him down, but I think not being there has lessened the blow.  I think that when I go home and Jackson isn't there, it will really sink in.  But, I know it was his time to go, and I know that he isn't in any pain anymore.

     There are so many memories with Jackson, I don't know which ones to share.  One of the more (in)famous memories was when Jackson unintentionally put two staples in Michael's head. My family had come home from dinner or something and Jackson was so excited to see Michael that he jumped up to kiss his face, but ended up knocking him into the corner of the pillar and caused a slight cut on the back of my brother's head, needing two staples to fix up.

     Another memory I have of Jackson actually just came to me right now. When we were younger, we used to have a trampoline in our backyard and my brother and I taught the dogs how to get on it.  It was pretty funny to see them reacting to this new, bouncy surface. We never bounced them high or anything mean like that.  And even when the dogs were out there by themselves, we would catch them walking around on it.  It was quite the sight. Good times.

     But mostly when I think back on my time with Jackson, I think of how he was always there for me.  He was the most loyal dog.  Jackson would follow you around the house and lay by your feet.  Even when his back legs hardly worked and it would take him a good minute or two to lift himself onto his feet, he was always right there by your side.  I would feel bad and tell him not to get up, especially if I was just going to throw something away and come back.  But he wouldn't listen, mostly due to the fact that he's not too fluent in English, but I also like to think that that was just the kind of dog he was. There's just something about a dog's love that is so pure, non-judgmental, loyal and selfless.  Sometimes after a particularly stressful day, I would just sit down next to Jackson and pet and hug him.  And I just knew that he understood.

     If I could say something to Jackson, I would say thank you.  Thank you for being such an awesome dog, pet, and friend for so long.  Thank you for teaching me how to be loyal, selfless, a better friend.  Thank you for making me a better person. You will always have a special place in my heart. 

     Thank you for the past thirteen years, I love you.

P.S.  Say 'Hi' to Buster for me :)

Something Like a Letter to Yuch

Dearest Yuch,

I just finished reading your latest blog and felt like writing you this letter (Why don't I have your address?). I've bee going through some stressful times lately and have always struggled with the self-confidence issue.  Your post reminded me of a lot of the emotions that I've been going through, as well.  And, although it makes me sad to see you struggling with letting your 'true self' show, what you said at the end of your post, 'I have to keep reminding myself of the better person I can be. Because it's so easy to forget,' really hit home for me.  It IS so easy to forget all the good qualities I have because, for me, it's so much easier to focus on the flaws. 'Why can't I be better at this?' 'Why don't I know more about this?' And the thing that's so frustrating is I KNOW this isn't healthy.  I know I shouldn't be so negative and harsh towards myself, but I do it anyway.  But you made me stop and think about how much better I can be and it gives me hope. And I thank you for that.

I know how you feel in terms of being stressed out and anxious.  Just this past week, there was a science/tech job fair that I planned on going to.  I went to the job fair workshops beforehand, printed out copies of my resume, and researched the companies I was interested in.  I ended up not going because I was so stressed and nervous, but mostly because I felt that no one would be interested in me, so why even bother.  Those couple of days were filled with tears, insecurity, shame and guilt.
But the job fair also brings up this feeling that I've had for awhile now. And it's the feeling of being stuck, or trapped like you mentioned.  I can't really describe it, other than I feel like I'm being held back or like I'm missing out on something spectacular. But what that is, I have no idea.  In some ways, I feel like it's school that's holding me back from all these great experiences and it'll only be after I graduate that I will be able to 'experience life,' whatever that means.  It's like I'm trapped in this place where I don't know what I want to do, but if I could just get out there and experience different things, I could find out what it is that I want.  But this 'not knowing what I want to do' also brings with it a lot of anxiety and pressure.

Anyway, there's not really much of a point to this letter. I'm sorry if it seems like a bunch of rambling and complaining.  I just want you to know that you're not alone in this and in a way to remind myself of the same thing.  If you ever want to talk about any of these things or how you're feeling (good or bad), I'm always here for you.

Oh, and by the way: you say that no one has seen the 'true, crazy, carefree' you, but I must disagree.  Obviously no one else has seen you watch Vampire Diaries, or play Smash Brothers, or heard you curse under your breath, or seen you run around like a crazy person pillow fighting to the death, or seen you laugh and scream while being tickled ;)  (This is me reminding you of that awesome person that I think we both know you are).  Although I may not have seen this Yuch 100% of the time, I've definitely caught my fair share of glimpses of this mysterious 'true' Yuch.  And I love her.  I love you, Yuch, don't ever forget that!

Love,
Katie

For Someone Like a Pessimist, I'm pretty Optimistic

In honor of Harry Potter coming out today, I have finally written down 'The List' of movies I refuse to see.  Most of them are series, and I genuinely hope to never see them.  Others make the list simply because I am very stubborn, so I refuse to see the 'classics' or the widely popular ones...or the ones my friends like (at this point, I'm surprised I have any friends left).  Some are on there because I have yet to see them twenty-one years into my life, so I figure I might as well try to keep the streak alive.  I know this list is probably a list of favorites for most normal people. I actually found most of these movies on 'Top 100'  and 'Best Movies of All-Time' lists.  So, I apologize to all the cinephiles and fans of these movies.


The List
Harry Potter
Avatar
Forrest Gump (but somehow I knew how to spell it properly)
Star Wars
Lord of the Rings
Jurassic Park
Twilight
American Pie(s)
Old School
Transformers
Chronicles of Narnia
Austin Powers
The Matrix
Saw
Avatar: The Last Airbender
Terminator
Bring It On
Step Up
Alien vs. Predator (or any of the Aliens or Predators movies. At least I think there are others)
Final Destination
Back to the Future
Wallace and Gromit
E.T.
Ghostbusters
Home Alone
Men in Black
X-Men
The Godfather
Pulp Fiction
Planet of the Apes
King Kong
Frankenstein
Jaws
Indiana Jones (Although I saw the latest one, unfortunately)
Fantastic Four
Superman
The Incredible Hulk
The Sixth Sense
Gone with the Wind
How to Train Your Dragon
The Wrestler
Star Trek
Kill Bill
Alice in Wonderland
Tron
Kick-Ass
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
Julie and Julia
Captain America
The Green Lantern
The Green Hornet
District 9
Battle: Los Angeles
Super 8
Coraline
A Nightmare Before Christmas
The Corpse Bride
This Is It
Across the Universe


In General:
Most romantic comedies. The ones where you know exactly how the end will play out and the couple lives happily ever after. Call me a pessimist or dead inside, but that's not how real life works.

Any movies that have been adapted from Nicholas Sparks' novels for the same reasons as above. But, I confess, I have seen The Last Song.  My excuse? Liam Hemsworth. He is sexy and his accent is sexy.  Enough said.

Anything with Drew Berrymore in it. I can't stand watching her speak out the side of her mouth the way she does which makes her have a slight lisp (I apologize if it's due to some deformity). And, by the way, who's cruel idea was it to make her the spokeswoman for Covergirl's Lash Blast Mascara? Don't they realize how hard it must be for her to say all those s's?

Anything with Jack Black or Jim Carrey. Not a fan of either.

Musicals.  It's bad enough to have to sit through one at a theater, but to make it into a movie? Now that's just torture.

Anything that involves aliens or any other sort of weird, non-existing creatures.

I'm generally not a huge fan of comic book/superhero movies.  Although I would like to see Iron Man and the Batman movies. See? I'm willing to venture out!