Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Someone Like Me Associates Apartment Friends with Songs

As I'm sitting here at home, outwardly sharing with my apartment friends' misery over finals week, yet inwardly laughing at their misery, I realized how much I miss them. It has only been a day. And I didn't even get to say goodbye to one because someone like her would have a final during my scheduled departure time. By scheduled departure time, I mean when my parents called and said they were in the parking lot.
I would be wary of this one, as her reach knows no bounds. For instance, for my of goodbye, she put a hit out on me. And, while I was attempting to snowboard, this hit was completed. I survived a kamikaze of snowballs repeatedly throw at me by a certain someone who is a lot like Natalie, but with a silent, and deadly, H. Her message was clear: "This is for not saying goodbye to *****" (Her name has been withheld due to the fact that I am scared of what she will do to me next, especially after she learns how I survived the bullets of snow) . Ye be warned.
Anywho, as I was thinking about those cool cats, I realized that I associate each of their names to a song, and when I say, "Hi, ____", in my head, I continue with the song. I thought I would share those songs here.
First, there's Jo*. Her song is set to the tune of the "Tiger Song" from The Hangover. It's a simple song, not even a song really, just a line, but it always pops into my head. This is how it works:
"Morning, Katie," says Jo.
incoherent mumbling from Katie due to the fact that she is half asleep and still has her retainers in, but can be interpreted to something along the lines of "Morning, Jo"
Then, as I walk into the kitchen, in my head I sing, "Jooooooo, Joo-o-oh, Joo-o-ooh, Jo, Jo, Joey, Jo, Jo"
I also have a tendency to add the ends of different names to Jo. Jo-athon comes to mind.

Next, there's Chelsey*, whom I lovingly refer to as C. Dizzle. Anytime I say 'C. Dizzle,' my brain automatically jumps to the Taylor Swift and T-Pain rap:
" C. Dizzle and T. Pizzle.....by the time I woke, I was singing 'I'm on a booooaaat'.... cuz I'm a singer turned rapper, shorty I'm a make ya, straight to the top yo, shorty I'm a take ya"
Those are the only lines I sing with C. Dizzle in them, mostly because those are the only lines I know...

Last**, but not least, Jezli*. I think Jezli's song has been sung before on multiple occasions because it's awesome. I think it came about because I like to pronounce Jezli as Jez-a-li, so it naturally fits into "Ebony and Ivory" mixed with a little SNL opposite band. It goes a little something like this:
"Jez-a-li and ivory, live together in perfect cacophony. Side by side on my piano keyboard, dark lord, why can't we?"

So, even though I might be snowboarding or going to the beach or sleeping in without a care in the world while you are taking your finals, know that each of your songs is always in my heart. I love you guys!!

*All names will be mispronounced by the reader to ensure that the identities of my apartment mates remain anonymous.
**The order in which these songs were mentioned are directly proportional to the order in which they popped up in my mind, and in no way reflect favoritism of any sort. If that were the case, it would be inversely proportional to the root mean square of the average velocities of the molecules floating in the air of the living room.

1, 2, 3...Nutty Buddies

(click for bigger picture)

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

This actually happened. Someone like me was enjoying a nice bowl of macaroni and cheese, while someone who is a total jerk wad, but not you, was studying. It was peaceful and quiet. Then......BAM!..... "I wonder how much Jesus weighed?" It took me a moment to register this contemplation and wondered if I could just be imagining it. But as soon as I looked at that jerk wad and saw the look on her face, I knew she had heard it too. We then start laughing uncontrollably at the randomness and seriousness in which this thought was asked. Who could have asked something like this? Only the coolest person ever, who is not you, that's who! Someone who is deathly afraid of spiders, and seemed traumatized when recounting a recent dream she had about a gigantic spider.
This then turned into a conversation about who weighs more, Jesus or Satan. Progressed into the creation of a new reality show called Biggest Loser, Soul Edition. And eventually solved the mysteries of the greatest show on earth, Lost.
All in all, it was a pretty productive conversation. And if my parents ask me why I have failed all my classes, and am now applying to the local McDonald's, I will simply answer them with a question: How much do you think Jesus weighed?

Monday, March 15, 2010

Simon Says Make a Blog

I have a blog because someone like you said everyone else does, and I'm a follower. Actually, I just want to be like someone like you, but not you specifically...more like you generally. Also, this is a great way to procrastinate and not study for my final tomorrow. Half my grade shall be decided then.